This is the continued edition of what you'll find at restoredyouth.blogspot.com (since blogger seems to have done away with the handy hyperlink function).
I have learned so much. Here's the first thing I learned, which I had hoped to expound on earlier, but better now than never.
The day after my last post titled, "pokhara, nepal" I was out with friends in the popular tourist area known as Lakeside which is where street kids go to live because that's where the money is. From tourists. Fair enough, they're actually quite clever (there's no motivator like survival). My favorite is the football scam where an innocent looking kid comes up to you with a piece of notebook paper that has their plea personally handwritten. The letter says that they want to grow up and be a professional football (soccer) player, and they want to join their local team but can only show up for the team if they have their own football. They ask you to buy them a football, or at least donate to the cause and even have a section where you write your name, your country, and your amount of donation. Like Girl Scout Cookies. But here's the deal, if you give them money, they just pocket it and use it for food, drugs, or even a room at night. But, if you buy them a football, the shop owner will have sold it to you for probably 1200 Nepali rupees (about $20). They return the football to the shop, and the shop owner simply gives them what he made on the deal, probably minus a little (maybe like 1000 rupees since the cost of the football is 200 rupees). The shop owner is obviously in on selling an item and not having to buy a new one to replace it. You can have your cake and eat it too. So, the shop owner's happy, the kids are happy, even the tourist is happy because he just helped solved the world's problems one football-at-a-time. Clearly everyone involved has read the Win-Win Negotiator. The grown up version of this scam is the ever-popular gemstone scam. I even had the opportunity to be fully wine and dined by my local dealer before I decided to not show up for the signing deal with my credit cards and passport ready to give to this very nice looking fellow. Sketchy. Everyone wants a piece of the action.
But I digress.
Lakeside, right. Out with friends. As I was walking a couple of my friends back to their hotels I heard some kids yelling, "Jay Dai, Jay Dai!" (which translated means, "Brother J, brother J!" Since I was looking for the boys that had earlier run away I told my friends to keep going because I needed to see what was going on. As I approached the awning they were sitting under I saw three kids, about 12 years old, that I had never met in my life. I questioned them about how they knew my name, and they just said that they always see me around and know that I 'help kids like us out.'
'So you help us, and we help you. Okay?'
'You help me? How can you help me out?'
'We know where your friends are.'
'Really...(skeptically)? Where?'
'I show you, you help us out.'
'Fine.'
They took me to the hotel room that Gopal had obtained with what he claimed was hand-outs from tourists. Who knows. Bibek was completely passed out, not of exhaustion, so I just kidnapped him and told Gopal I would be back the next day to talk to him. As I was carrying Bibek like a sack of potatoes from the first taxi that was trying to rip me off due to my unfortunate state of affairs of lugging around a passed out 11-year-old around with me to another taxi, Santosh, my personal guide for the street scene of Lakeside says to me, "You really love them don't you?"
'Uhhh... Yeah. A lot... You have no idea."
"Maybe you come back and help us too. Maybe help us with education?"
"Uhhhh.. maybe. I'll come by tomorrow. We'll talk."
I never saw these kids again, even as I would look for them as I walked around Lakeside. However, I would be lying to you if I told you that this encounter didn't initiate a period of strife and contemplation involving me considering completely foregoing or at least significantly postponing my return to America. I mean, to invest in a place, get to know the people, the people apparently become aware of you despite you not knowing them, and to just uproot and leave. Derye garo (very difficult).
Bibek recovered the next day. Arjun, Dorje and I cleaned him up. When he tried to leave in a huff back to Lakeside and discovered that his sandals were missing he started to get pretty agitated. He concluded that I stole his sandals, preventing him from leaving, and threw an impressive temper tantrum. The emotions outweighed the logic of me simply telling him, "You no have sandals when I took you last night," and the rant continued. Right at the moment when I had given up on dealing with the situation was when the older brother of the family walked in. And in the most calm, caring, firm manner imaginable calmed Bibek down and convinced him to stay the night (with the hope of just getting him back in his old routine of school the next day). I was awed at the timing and perfection of one stepping in to handle a situation when a former is at the end of his rope of energy and expertise, and that's all I have to say about that.
Emma writes in her blog about friends who tried to convince her to give up on some of the boys because of their tough words about using Emma as just another scam. After I heard Bibek say that at dinner that night I became quite angry out of my allegiance to Emma. I confess. I am one of those friends that tried to get her to consider just giving up on Bibek. Believe me, my logic was sound. If it's the streets that he wants so badly, and that lifestyle, then it is the streets that he'll get. I will not deprive them. After I shared my thoughts with Emma it was what she does best that drew me to a deeper light of knowledge and then reaffirm her path.
She knows. She just knows. She knows that everyone needs love. It is not a question for her, and that is one of her fundamental beliefs that leads her in the directions that she has taken. Her different projects, activities, protests, writings, relationships, everything that I can't even keep up with and just put under the title of Pamela, Inc. are not attempts to try and express what she is trying to believe in. All of Pamela, Inc. is a natural expression of what she does believe. Like really, genuinely, with full conviction and zero question, believe.
She knows Bibek needs love. More than the streets. She doesn't care about the aesthetic desire for the streets. She knows love is deeper. She knows Bibek is just acting tough. I just didn't want her to be duped, like I felt for a little bit that she was. I feared that she had been simply duped for the last three years, and figured that it's better to cut your losses early. But, she's not duped. Because she knows. She knows Bibek needs love, and doesn't have someone giving that to him. I don't know how she knows, but she does. Everyone. Even tough street kids. You, the one reading this, can't dupe even yourself out of your need for love despite the streets that we all personally run to when most desperate for it. And she knows that.
I almost forgot.
I did forget.
But, it's funny how when you're at the end of your rope in energy and expertise that someone steps in takes over the situation. In an earlier entry I mentioned how the kids lives are compiled together like a bad piece of furniture in an attempt to fill the needs most naturally filled by their parents. I want to retract my harsh, over-critical words. The furniture is not bad. It might have a blind spot, and it might be strangely compiled. But it is not bad. I have seen the furniture in full working form, and despite its strange construction, it holds. The leg is not the arm, and the arm is not the head, but the right parts function at the right times, and that is what counts.
When the older brother stepped in and took over the situation when my resources had become exhausted, and when Emma revealed her thoughts and beliefs to me over the phone (also found in her blog) I can also confess that thoughts of not only inadequacy but also envy of their ability was quick upon me. But I may not be the foot, and I may not be the head, but I'm learning that I don't need to be. Thank goodness. That'd be hard.
Pamela stepped in to do what she does best, and she has the boys back into close to working order. Of course there's the daily issues that rise without fail. Of course they're in a different place than one month ago, and that brings adjustment, but she's there. With them. Because they need her.
And she knows that.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Bangkok, Thailand
Fake out.
Not there.
Despite the fact I'm on a 4 day layover in LA, I will attempt to debrief the past however long since I last exported ideas.
Bangkok Thailand.
As I wrote to a friend earlier: "Apparently the party that has never quite made it to Nepal has gotten stuck in Bangkok." The only idea I had about Bangkok before I went was from the film "The Beach" with Leonardo DiCaprio. One of the first scenes just shows him walking amongst crowds in awe of excitement from all the neon lights and activity going on all around him. It was kind of like that. So I went to the beach.
Koh Chang island. 7 hour bus ride from Bangkok and a half-hour ferry. After talking with numerous travelers I decided this was the one, because it's the most laid back. I was a little over-idealistic about finding an on-the-beach bungalow for a dirt cheap price, because it turns out you get what you pay for. Off the beach you could find one for about $3.5 US. On the beach was starting at about $15 US. Yikers. However, yours truly came through in the pinch when he found a place that had opened only 4 days prior that rented tents on the beach for just under $5 US. No brainer. It was away from all the hype, I had my own beach, and most of the time I was the only one staying there.
For those that want to live on the beach, you should make like the owner of the place, Irish Phil, and just settle down in Thailand. 2 reasons:
-Beach
-Food
I don't know if you know anything about Thai food, but if you don't, please visit your local Thai food restaurant. That should help solve all mysteries surrounding where you can find the best food in Asia. If you prize surfing over food you might consider another country, such as Indonesia, but barring that you probably needn't look further.
I woke up in the morning and watched the sun rise to my left. 12 hours later I would watch the sun set to my right. Amazing. That's what happens when your beach is on the south end of the island, and it's winter where the sun has less range of motion. Or whatever you call it, but I think you get the idea.
Minus a small dabochle on a rented motorbike the second day where I found out the tires weren't quite as sticky as I was counting on, on a curve in the hills, it was completely fantastic. I only had to bear stingy saltwater on my wounds as part of the consequence and deal with the hassle of cleaning and preventing infection. Which I think we safely averted, despite not having an up-to-date immune system on the local scene. But now I think that I can safely say that I'll always carry a piece of Thailand with me. Part of the road that is. In my knee.
The time was much needed. I just walked around my beaches all day, didn't have a phone, and got to debrief the last 4.5 months of my life in Asia. Especially after everything that went down with the 6 boys right before I left. Details at restoredyouth.blogspot.com. and more comments on that to follow. by comments i mean another post.
All to say. I enjoyed the beach. It was about 90 degrees every day. I only brought 2 t-shirts, my shorts, and a book. What more do you need? I have found that ever since I finalized my return trip home from Nepal more than a month ago, there was a definitive pull for life back home. I would not become a resident of Asia. Which is fine. It's funny because within one minute the thoughts can go from longing for home, to looking around you and already missing your current temp-home, and then planning for where you'll go next, which I have some pretty tasty thoughts cooked up on.
But now I'm approaching home. After I finish my 4 day layover in California I will be back in my old stomping grounds enjoying everything that I really love about where I'm from. Especially in the winter. I just realized that I get back the first day of winter. That's appropriate. Now, more finalized thoughts to follow...
Not there.
Despite the fact I'm on a 4 day layover in LA, I will attempt to debrief the past however long since I last exported ideas.
Bangkok Thailand.
As I wrote to a friend earlier: "Apparently the party that has never quite made it to Nepal has gotten stuck in Bangkok." The only idea I had about Bangkok before I went was from the film "The Beach" with Leonardo DiCaprio. One of the first scenes just shows him walking amongst crowds in awe of excitement from all the neon lights and activity going on all around him. It was kind of like that. So I went to the beach.
Koh Chang island. 7 hour bus ride from Bangkok and a half-hour ferry. After talking with numerous travelers I decided this was the one, because it's the most laid back. I was a little over-idealistic about finding an on-the-beach bungalow for a dirt cheap price, because it turns out you get what you pay for. Off the beach you could find one for about $3.5 US. On the beach was starting at about $15 US. Yikers. However, yours truly came through in the pinch when he found a place that had opened only 4 days prior that rented tents on the beach for just under $5 US. No brainer. It was away from all the hype, I had my own beach, and most of the time I was the only one staying there.
For those that want to live on the beach, you should make like the owner of the place, Irish Phil, and just settle down in Thailand. 2 reasons:
-Beach
-Food
I don't know if you know anything about Thai food, but if you don't, please visit your local Thai food restaurant. That should help solve all mysteries surrounding where you can find the best food in Asia. If you prize surfing over food you might consider another country, such as Indonesia, but barring that you probably needn't look further.
I woke up in the morning and watched the sun rise to my left. 12 hours later I would watch the sun set to my right. Amazing. That's what happens when your beach is on the south end of the island, and it's winter where the sun has less range of motion. Or whatever you call it, but I think you get the idea.
Minus a small dabochle on a rented motorbike the second day where I found out the tires weren't quite as sticky as I was counting on, on a curve in the hills, it was completely fantastic. I only had to bear stingy saltwater on my wounds as part of the consequence and deal with the hassle of cleaning and preventing infection. Which I think we safely averted, despite not having an up-to-date immune system on the local scene. But now I think that I can safely say that I'll always carry a piece of Thailand with me. Part of the road that is. In my knee.
The time was much needed. I just walked around my beaches all day, didn't have a phone, and got to debrief the last 4.5 months of my life in Asia. Especially after everything that went down with the 6 boys right before I left. Details at restoredyouth.blogspot.com. and more comments on that to follow. by comments i mean another post.
All to say. I enjoyed the beach. It was about 90 degrees every day. I only brought 2 t-shirts, my shorts, and a book. What more do you need? I have found that ever since I finalized my return trip home from Nepal more than a month ago, there was a definitive pull for life back home. I would not become a resident of Asia. Which is fine. It's funny because within one minute the thoughts can go from longing for home, to looking around you and already missing your current temp-home, and then planning for where you'll go next, which I have some pretty tasty thoughts cooked up on.
But now I'm approaching home. After I finish my 4 day layover in California I will be back in my old stomping grounds enjoying everything that I really love about where I'm from. Especially in the winter. I just realized that I get back the first day of winter. That's appropriate. Now, more finalized thoughts to follow...
Sunday, December 2, 2007
pokhara, nepal
The brief hiatus I took to tromp around the Kumbu region (made famously by the Great One, Mt. Everest) was completely amazing, and an exceptionally good holiday. For 20 days I hiked around, visited high lakes for lunches, summitted Himalayan 'hills' (fair enough, my highest hill was 5,887 meters / 19,261 ft), hiked over hairy passes and just in general viewed what can surely be claimed as the most beautiful mountains in the world.
And you know how much I like mountains. It even snowed one morning.
But today I write with a very heavy heart. The world is apparently not all cakes and ice cream.
I came back to Pokhara not knowing what to expect after receiving a very undetailed, ominous email from Pamela / Emma about the 6 boys. Bear in mind that when I was leaving for Everest my prime concern was finding them an older male who could just be in their life similar to how I have but wouldn't have to leave because of visas, wanting to go home, etc. Essentially, a reliable older male who could teach them values and be in their life continually. My other concern was simply that they do their homework.
And this is what I found.
I will explain in order of each boy.
Tall Saroj claims he wants to go back to his village to take care of his family. I don't believe this quite yet. At least I don't think he wants to right now. Unfortunately, being what is usually the most responsible of the 6 boys he is, perhaps, the least cool and therefore the most needy of friends. I fear that his recent friendships he has made have more than started to lead him down sketchy paths. I have been very uncontrolling with managing where they go at night, as that is more than just an uphill battle, and have merely had strong conversations with them about the importance of who you hang out with having a strong impact on your life. So, that decision is his. I believe that at the end of the day he is trading his home, food, and school for the ability to hang out with these sketchy friends. Like I said, he has a record of being the most responsible, but at the same time, he's a 14-year-old boy. Pamela has been able to manage their finances, their food, their education, and even a pseudo-father figure to be in their life, but how do you manage peers that offer acceptance? And the fact that that one element being the strongest force in their life is mind-boggling, frustrating, and just plain baffling.
Gopal decided that he didn't like the school they were going to, and in usual form at least semi-convinced all the other boys that they should find a Nepali school. I woke him up yesterday at noon at the Busy Bee where was sleeping and has found work. The Busy Bee is probably the most popular tourist bar in Pokhara, where he now sells plane tickets from what I have gathered. To be honest, if he is supporting himself (or has found his own means for support) I respect that and his choice. He seems to be doing well. However, he is always the driver of the bandwagon, and his demands towards a better school have left a ripple effect of independent-thinking/ leaving on the other kids. And he's not even going to Nepali school. Which is free. Frustrating.
San Saroj is back to being the typical street kid. As the dullest out of all of them, I don't think he can think past what he simply knew before of walking around and offering tourists cheap hash. Heartbreaking. A really sweet kid, but needs so much love and encouragement and structure and I'm afraid the streets don't really have a track record for offering those commodities in abundance.
Bibek I have also heard is on the streets. I heard that he is around Lakeside, and I heard that he is there because he doesn't like taking tests. He's quite smart, and even gets good grades. Remember when you complained about homework, and at the most maybe threw a temper tantrum in response? Escaping to the streets of a city probably didn't really cross your mind as a potentially good idea. Especially at the age of 11. Well, welcome to their lives.
Arjun and Dorje from what i can tell wish to remain under room and board and go to school. They are after all, the most naturally intelligent. I really believe it was a matter of time for a couple of the rest, but for these, they see this genuinely as their best opportunity. There's not much more they can bear as their resources have been altered to adjust for the others leaving. So my goal for them is just to offer some stability for a few days, until their normal accomodations become, well, normal, again. Today I asked them why they wanted to go to school and not run away and they just said, "We like to read." Somehow I don't fully buy it, there's some truth in it I'm sure, but I think they understand what they have as being pretty good. I don't know.
To say that my heart was quite heavy this morning was an understatement. To have an almost parting chat with Tall Saroj essentially telling him that I don't care what he does, whether it's study English or make cabinets, that the measure of a man is determined on the choices one makes every day, was more than I anticipated after having left for only three weeks. That's all I have to offer this kid who is deciding a path affecting the rest of his life, possibly heavily influenced by shady friends. Such a good, solid, respectful kid who took care of the rest of the six guys for years might be throwing it all away for the sake of some acceptance. He was often the only one to respect me and my words. But, welcome to 14-years-old. I will not attempt to force these kids into any situation. I will not even offer my opinion. All I am attempting is to show them clearly what decisions they have, what their affect will be, and what is affecting their decisions. So hard to watch them go--
It's funny that regarding the one that found work at the Busy Bee, Gopal, I just hope he does well. I guess I just see a step in maturity and taking accountability for his own life out of him. I don't think school was fully for him, but I just hopes he finds a place of being amongst good people. And makes an honest living. Can you imagine, at 14, choosing to engage in wage-earning from school? Yet, for some of them, it's vying as the best option.
We'll see where it goes from here. On one hand, it's hard to see all this happen right before I leave, but at the same time, if it was going to happen, I'm glad I was here to be there with them through it. Sometimes you just hit a breaking point I guess, and so many of the natural elements that naturally occur in most people's lives have been merely pieced together like a bad piece of furniture for these kids lives. Things like love, support (financial and emotional), consistency, education, all from different, random sources that can only offer a little bit for a little time, all attempting to fill the holes left by those who would most naturally offer it and were most not able to. I have learned that we're all doing the best we can, but I'm also learning about the reality of the world being a harsh, cruel place.
Okay, I'm going to go hunt down Gopal and have an adult chat with him over some chow mein. Since he's entered the adult world now.
And then try to find Bibek.
And you know how much I like mountains. It even snowed one morning.
But today I write with a very heavy heart. The world is apparently not all cakes and ice cream.
I came back to Pokhara not knowing what to expect after receiving a very undetailed, ominous email from Pamela / Emma about the 6 boys. Bear in mind that when I was leaving for Everest my prime concern was finding them an older male who could just be in their life similar to how I have but wouldn't have to leave because of visas, wanting to go home, etc. Essentially, a reliable older male who could teach them values and be in their life continually. My other concern was simply that they do their homework.
And this is what I found.
I will explain in order of each boy.
Tall Saroj claims he wants to go back to his village to take care of his family. I don't believe this quite yet. At least I don't think he wants to right now. Unfortunately, being what is usually the most responsible of the 6 boys he is, perhaps, the least cool and therefore the most needy of friends. I fear that his recent friendships he has made have more than started to lead him down sketchy paths. I have been very uncontrolling with managing where they go at night, as that is more than just an uphill battle, and have merely had strong conversations with them about the importance of who you hang out with having a strong impact on your life. So, that decision is his. I believe that at the end of the day he is trading his home, food, and school for the ability to hang out with these sketchy friends. Like I said, he has a record of being the most responsible, but at the same time, he's a 14-year-old boy. Pamela has been able to manage their finances, their food, their education, and even a pseudo-father figure to be in their life, but how do you manage peers that offer acceptance? And the fact that that one element being the strongest force in their life is mind-boggling, frustrating, and just plain baffling.
Gopal decided that he didn't like the school they were going to, and in usual form at least semi-convinced all the other boys that they should find a Nepali school. I woke him up yesterday at noon at the Busy Bee where was sleeping and has found work. The Busy Bee is probably the most popular tourist bar in Pokhara, where he now sells plane tickets from what I have gathered. To be honest, if he is supporting himself (or has found his own means for support) I respect that and his choice. He seems to be doing well. However, he is always the driver of the bandwagon, and his demands towards a better school have left a ripple effect of independent-thinking/ leaving on the other kids. And he's not even going to Nepali school. Which is free. Frustrating.
San Saroj is back to being the typical street kid. As the dullest out of all of them, I don't think he can think past what he simply knew before of walking around and offering tourists cheap hash. Heartbreaking. A really sweet kid, but needs so much love and encouragement and structure and I'm afraid the streets don't really have a track record for offering those commodities in abundance.
Bibek I have also heard is on the streets. I heard that he is around Lakeside, and I heard that he is there because he doesn't like taking tests. He's quite smart, and even gets good grades. Remember when you complained about homework, and at the most maybe threw a temper tantrum in response? Escaping to the streets of a city probably didn't really cross your mind as a potentially good idea. Especially at the age of 11. Well, welcome to their lives.
Arjun and Dorje from what i can tell wish to remain under room and board and go to school. They are after all, the most naturally intelligent. I really believe it was a matter of time for a couple of the rest, but for these, they see this genuinely as their best opportunity. There's not much more they can bear as their resources have been altered to adjust for the others leaving. So my goal for them is just to offer some stability for a few days, until their normal accomodations become, well, normal, again. Today I asked them why they wanted to go to school and not run away and they just said, "We like to read." Somehow I don't fully buy it, there's some truth in it I'm sure, but I think they understand what they have as being pretty good. I don't know.
To say that my heart was quite heavy this morning was an understatement. To have an almost parting chat with Tall Saroj essentially telling him that I don't care what he does, whether it's study English or make cabinets, that the measure of a man is determined on the choices one makes every day, was more than I anticipated after having left for only three weeks. That's all I have to offer this kid who is deciding a path affecting the rest of his life, possibly heavily influenced by shady friends. Such a good, solid, respectful kid who took care of the rest of the six guys for years might be throwing it all away for the sake of some acceptance. He was often the only one to respect me and my words. But, welcome to 14-years-old. I will not attempt to force these kids into any situation. I will not even offer my opinion. All I am attempting is to show them clearly what decisions they have, what their affect will be, and what is affecting their decisions. So hard to watch them go--
It's funny that regarding the one that found work at the Busy Bee, Gopal, I just hope he does well. I guess I just see a step in maturity and taking accountability for his own life out of him. I don't think school was fully for him, but I just hopes he finds a place of being amongst good people. And makes an honest living. Can you imagine, at 14, choosing to engage in wage-earning from school? Yet, for some of them, it's vying as the best option.
We'll see where it goes from here. On one hand, it's hard to see all this happen right before I leave, but at the same time, if it was going to happen, I'm glad I was here to be there with them through it. Sometimes you just hit a breaking point I guess, and so many of the natural elements that naturally occur in most people's lives have been merely pieced together like a bad piece of furniture for these kids lives. Things like love, support (financial and emotional), consistency, education, all from different, random sources that can only offer a little bit for a little time, all attempting to fill the holes left by those who would most naturally offer it and were most not able to. I have learned that we're all doing the best we can, but I'm also learning about the reality of the world being a harsh, cruel place.
Okay, I'm going to go hunt down Gopal and have an adult chat with him over some chow mein. Since he's entered the adult world now.
And then try to find Bibek.
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